Abandonment

Experiencing the abandonment of a parent through incarceration

Losing a parent to prison. The particular shape of that absence, which is not death but is not presence either. Visits that ended. Phone calls that cost too much. A parent who was alive but gone, and a childhood reorganized around that fact.

If some version of this is part of your story, you already know that the hardest part is rarely the memory itself. It is carrying it in a world that mostly does not want to hear about it. This fellowship exists so you do not have to carry it alone, and so you never have to explain it to someone who has no idea what it means.

What can follow an experience like this

No two people carry the same experience the same way. These are some of the effects that people with this experience often describe. Having some of them, all of them, or none of them says nothing about how real what happened to you was.

Hypervigilance or always waiting for something bad The nervous system that learned to scan for danger all the time. Complex or ongoing trauma and its effects When trauma happened repeatedly, over a long time, or at the hands of people who were supposed to care for you, the effects go deeper than a single event. Not knowing who to trust Trust that was broken, repeatedly, by people who were supposed to be safe. Shame or feeling like something is broken in you Not guilt about something you did. Anxiety and constant worry The background hum of dread that is always there. Not knowing who you are, or experiencing multiple parts or identities A self that shifts depending on who you are with. Problems with authority or people in power The original experiences with authority figures, parents, teachers, institutions, abusers, shaping the automatic response to anyone who holds power. Struggling to make sense of what happened to you The questions that will not resolve.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

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