Abandonment

Being given up for adoption or placed in foster care

Being given up by a biological parent or family. Whether it was a closed adoption, an open one, a foster placement, or a kinship arrangement. Carrying the knowledge that someone decided they could not or would not keep you, and living with what that means to you.

Whatever the circumstances, being given up leaves a question mark at the root of the story you tell about yourself. Gratitude and grief can both be true at once, and plenty of people will only want to hear the gratitude. Here you can carry the whole complicated truth of it, including the parts that are not resolved and may never be.

What can follow an experience like this

No two people carry the same experience the same way. These are some of the effects that people with this experience often describe. Having some of them, all of them, or none of them says nothing about how real what happened to you was.

Anxious attachment Holding on hard. Trust issues Trust that was broken, repeatedly, by people who were supposed to be safe. Identity disturbance Not being able to answer simple questions about yourself. Fear of being abandoned Not just not wanting people to leave. Loss of meaning The questions that will not resolve. Depression Not just sadness. Shame Not guilt about something you did. Prolonged grief Grief that did not follow the expected path.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

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