An effect of trauma

Fear of being abandoned

Not just not wanting people to leave. The specific terror of it. The way it lives in your body when someone is late to respond. The way it drives behavior in relationships, holding on too tight, pushing people away before they can leave, scanning constantly for signs that someone is pulling back. It formed because people left. Because being left was real and it was devastating and your nervous system decided it would do anything to prevent it from happening again. The prevention strategies often cost more than the abandonment would have.

It can sound like

“I am terrified of being abandoned.” “I hold on too tight and push people away.” “I panic when someone does not respond.” “I would rather leave first than be left.”

If any of those sentences live in your head too, you are in good company here.

Experiences this often follows

Effects do not come from nowhere. These are some of the experiences that people who carry this one often describe. You do not need to have been through any of them for what you feel to be real.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

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