Loss and grief

Losing who you thought someone was after learning what they did

Finding out that someone you loved harmed another person. A partner, a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend. Losing the version of them you had known, often at the same moment as losing your standing in your family or community. Including the impossible position of loving someone and being unable to defend what they did.

There is no clean place to stand when someone you love turns out to have caused serious harm. You are grieving a person who is still alive, holding the reality of what they did, and often being asked to pick a side that does not exist. This is a real trauma with almost nowhere to take it, so we made a place.

What can follow an experience like this

No two people carry the same experience the same way. These are some of the effects that people with this experience often describe. Having some of them, all of them, or none of them says nothing about how real what happened to you was.

Insomnia or feeling unsafe enough to sleep Difficulty falling asleep. Emotional numbness Not depression exactly. Complex or ongoing trauma and its effects When trauma happened repeatedly, over a long time, or at the hands of people who were supposed to care for you, the effects go deeper than a single event. Depression Not just sadness. Not knowing who you are, or experiencing multiple parts or identities A self that shifts depending on who you are with. Anxiety and constant worry The background hum of dread that is always there. Dissociation or feeling detached from yourself Dissociation is what the nervous system does when what is happening is too much to stay present for. Trouble letting people in emotionally The wall that goes up when someone tries to get close.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

Find a meeting Join the fellowship

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