Loss and grief

Losing a grandparent, grandchild, or other relative

A grandparent, a grandchild, an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, a cousin, an in-law, or somebody who was family without being related to you. These are the losses other people rank as distant and expect you to be over quickly. Including the grandmother who raised you, the uncle who was the only steady adult you had, and the grandchild you were never supposed to outlive.

Grief gets ranked by how close the relation sounds on paper, and that ranking has very little to do with who actually mattered to you. Plenty of people have lost the relative who raised them and been given a long weekend to recover. Grandparents in particular are expected to stay steady and hold everyone else up while carrying it themselves. Nobody here will ask how closely you were related before deciding whether this counts.

What can follow an experience like this

No two people carry the same experience the same way. These are some of the effects that people with this experience often describe. Having some of them, all of them, or none of them says nothing about how real what happened to you was.

Chronic pain Pain that has been investigated and treated and remains. Insomnia Difficulty falling asleep. Emotional numbing Not depression exactly. Shame Not guilt about something you did. Anxiety The background hum of dread that is always there. Identity disturbance Not being able to answer simple questions about yourself. Survivor's guilt A persistent sense that you should not have survived, or should have done more, or that your survival came at someone else's expense. Brain fog Trauma affects the brain in measurable ways.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

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