An effect of trauma
Problems with authority
The original experiences with authority figures, parents, teachers, institutions, abusers, shaping the automatic response to anyone who holds power. Automatic compliance that bypasses your own judgment. Automatic defiance that is not always chosen. Fear of people in positions of power. Difficulty functioning in hierarchical environments. The past showing up in the present every time someone has authority over you.
Authority was where the harm came from, so the body files every boss, doctor, and official under the old heading. Automatic compliance and automatic defiance are the same alarm with different outputs. A fellowship with no hierarchy is a strange and useful environment for this wound. There is nobody above you here to set off the alarm.
It can sound like
If any of those sentences live in your head too, you are in good company here.
Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.
You do not have to carry this alone.
Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.