An effect of trauma
Intrusive sexual thoughts
Sexual thoughts, images, or responses that you do not want and cannot stop. Arousal attached to things that happened to you and that you hated. Thoughts involving people you would never touch, including children, arriving unbidden and leaving you sick with yourself. This is common after sexual abuse and it is almost never said, because saying it feels like a confession. A thought is not an act and it is not a plan. Carrying this alone is what makes it dangerous, not the thought itself.
This is the page people find at three in the morning after years of saying nothing. Unwanted thoughts of this kind are a recognised aftermath of sexual abuse, and horror at them is a meaningful signal about who you are. If they are turning into intent, or if you are seeking out material or contact, that needs specialist help now and there are confidential services that exist for exactly this, before anyone is harmed. Otherwise: this can be worked with, quietly and effectively, and the first step is that somebody knows.
It can sound like
If any of those sentences live in your head too, you are in good company here.
Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.
You do not have to carry this alone.
Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.