Identity-based harm

Being bullied or targeted because of your identity

Being bullied, excluded, or targeted by peers because of your race, sexuality, gender identity, disability, religion, body size, or any other aspect of who you are. The particular wound of being made an outsider because of something fundamental about yourself.

Being singled out by peers for something fundamental about yourself turns identity into a wound before you have finished building one. The exclusion said everything about the crowd and nothing about you, but children cannot know that, so the message lodged deep. Working it back out is real work. Doing it among people who accept you outright helps.

What can follow an experience like this

No two people carry the same experience the same way. These are some of the effects that people with this experience often describe. Having some of them, all of them, or none of them says nothing about how real what happened to you was.

Hypervigilance The nervous system that learned to scan for danger all the time. Trust issues Trust that was broken, repeatedly, by people who were supposed to be safe. Depression Not just sadness. Shame Not guilt about something you did. People-pleasing Anticipating what others need before they ask. Anxiety The background hum of dread that is always there. Identity disturbance Not being able to answer simple questions about yourself. Social withdrawal A retreat inward that can feel like protection, and often is.

Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.

You do not have to carry this alone.

Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.

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