An effect of trauma
OCD
Rules you have to follow or something bad will happen. Checking the door, the hob, the messages, again and again, and the relief never lasting more than a minute. Counting, ordering, washing, repeating, or asking someone to reassure you one more time. Hours going into routines that were supposed to take seconds. This is a nervous system trying to manufacture certainty because certainty was never something it could take for granted.
The rituals are not the problem so much as the deal underneath them, that doing the thing will hold the bad outcome off. That deal is exhausting and it never quite pays out. Loosening one rule at a time is slow, unglamorous work that genuinely does move, and doing it alongside other people makes it a lot less frightening.
It can sound like
If any of those sentences live in your head too, you are in good company here.
Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.
You do not have to carry this alone.
Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.