An effect of trauma
Lying and manipulating
Lying when the truth would have been fine. Managing people rather than talking to them. Telling different versions to different people and losing track. Using guilt, charm, or crisis to get what you need because asking directly never worked. In a house where honesty was punished, deception was a skill worth having. It stops being a skill the moment you are somewhere safe and it carries on running anyway.
This is one of the least sympathetic things to admit to and one of the most understandable once you know where it came from. Honesty was dangerous once and your system learned accordingly. Unlearning it is slow and it is very ordinary work, mostly practised in small moments where you tell the true version and nothing bad happens.
It can sound like
If any of those sentences live in your head too, you are in good company here.
Nothing on this page is a diagnosis, and nothing here decides what is wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you. Something happened to you. This page exists so that when you are ready, you can find people who understand it from the inside.
You do not have to carry this alone.
Bridge of Hope Recovery is a free, anonymous, peer-led fellowship for trauma survivors. Meetings run throughout the week by phone, by video, and in person. No cost, no waitlist, no one asking for your real name.